im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
