i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize