You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's official drugs can't kill me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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