Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
