if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
