connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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