Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
