yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
