His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
