JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just want to make out with him forever
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
