Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
