I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
