i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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