i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize