fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
