i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
