look no pants
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
