I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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