Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
