I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
