6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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