found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
