my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize