Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
