im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
