wakey wakey hands off snakey
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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