Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
