i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
ttyl tear gas
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
