Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
