good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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