Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
