Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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