I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
