I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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