Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
