I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
