You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Moan for me like Helen Keller
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
