just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
