im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
