her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
