woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
