what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize