Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
