Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
