you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
