the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
