I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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