You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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