i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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