You're my little dorito
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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