When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
