What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize