She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize