haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
