I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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