The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
