True but thats because hes a fetus.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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