he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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