Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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