So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
