How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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