No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
