just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
