we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
