i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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