Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
